Magic Moms
I have always thought March is a fun month. Basketball, leprechauns, warmer weather, and the first sign of spring with tulips and daffodils braving front yards.
March also has made me recently think of the magic of parenting.
(For my purposes in this blog, I am using the noun moms, not to exclude dads who also are out there mumming. So if that’s you, just substitute mom for dad.)
When my kids were 5 years old, another twin mom looked at me and said, “I tell my kids to thank their mom for all the magic they experience”.
We were in the middle of the big magical season of Christmas when she dropped this golden nugget of wisdom.
It was mid blowing then and has since remained with me.
Moms really are the creator of magic
Santa’s snow prints left in the driveway? Mom was behind that idea and execution.
Easter Egg Basket scavenger hunt with rhyming clues? Mom.
Coordinated family outfits for holiday cards? Mom.
Flawlessly executed little kids birthday parties where all children reman intact and are returned to the correct parents? A mom and probably some of her mom friends.
Those spring flowers? Planted last fall by a mom. Potentially while teaching small children a science lesson.
Toilet paper, not just in the house, but extra in all the bathrooms. Mom.
You get the idea. That’s why moms have that one day in May, to thank us for the all the year round provided magic.
Kids don’t really see this magic making and that’s the point right? It's part of what makes it special and memorable. It is also a huge part of parenting.
While we are setting rules and teaching life lessons, we also want to create some wonder they will hopefully remember in addition to all those safety lectures.
The Magic Energy
Maintaining the energy for “extra” is hard. A lot of my clients come to therapy and identify a lack or lost energy and an inability to provide the extra.
This is part of why they seek out therapy, to get their magic back.
They might have stopped reading, exercising, or enjoying the downtime in the well maintained back yard. Increased relational tension or difficulty at work can get in the way of energy for the extra.
And making mom magic takes A LOT of extra energy.
Therapy is a lot about figuring out what has changed that feels uncomfortable and then determining how to make changes that increase comfort.
It’s about getting the magic back, or learning to make completely different magic. Or telling that old magic to F off because it's no longer necessary or wanted.
When the Magic Tank is on E
How do you refuel magic energy? Therapy includes talking about self care, which is needed to create all that magic mom energy.
At a certain age, we know what self care activities make us feel better. It becomes a question of do you actually create time to prioritize those activities. My January blog was all about prioritizing self care.
Time is another scarce commodity for moms. But I can tell you what happens when you don’t make time for self care. It is not great.
Not taking care of yourself can look like sadness, yelling, sleeplessness, anxiety, and distraction.
Not caring for yourself ultimately hurts those in your life both at home and at work.
The Magic Gas Stations
Therapy definitely is one way to prioritize self care. I talked all about what therapy looks like last month. There are also a lot of other ways to re-prioritize yourself.
Accountability partners are a fantastic way to set goals and keep working together to prioritize time for self care. Those partners also can become part of your self care. A walk with a friend that includes accountability can check a lot of self care boxes.
Therapy also is a lot like an accountability partner. At least once a week, a client will say “I did it because I knew you would ask this week.”
Another way to refuel is to turn outward for inspiration. This one is harder because outward inspiration can be slippery social media comparison slide.
For my own refueling, I have intentionally spent part of this year observing all of the magic in my own mom friends.
I have some bad ass mom friends who are pretty inspiring. And that inspiration fills up my own magic tank.
Magic is All Around
When I need motivation to get through my day as a mom, I look at all the magic my mom friends create for their own kids and even for me, their friend.
A dreaded mid 40’s appointment my partner couldn’t get out of work for, book club mom to my rescue.
When I needed to off load over purchased girl scout cookies as the troop cookie mom, my mom friends purchased.
When I need to juggle the other 12 year old, my soccer mom bestie drives.
What my mom friends do for their kids is also pretty inspiring and their magic helps increase my own magic making abilities.
One dear mom friend drew on a blackboard EVERY DAY inspirational Day of Quotes in chalk.
A fellow travel sport mom friend, (after getting into a car crash on the way to an out of state tournament while driving by herself with child), duct taped her own bumper and still made it on time.
My mom friend who is the only reason I have seen any recent theater with my girl because she is so on top of life to book stuff way in advance.
The intrepid traveling mom friend who solo parented her kids on an entire country adventure.
My own mom. As a 70 year old grandmother, hosting two separate themed parties for her 12 year old twin grandchildren while I was out of the country. One involved football and the other valentines and everyone left happy. (With no injuries to children, pets, home or grandmother).
In the end, mom magic should not be about comparison or trying to do it better, it should be about appreciation that it gets done and the feelings these magic moms create and leave as memories.
Memories that can serve as fuel for creating our own next moment.
